As I sit here in my boxed up half packed office 10 days until possession date of our new house the reality of what we are doing is sinking in hard and Im feeling a need to blog/journal my feelings.
Needing to take a walk this morning to clear the mind monsters and the exhaustive doubts running through my head I prayed that we are on the right path…
This past year has been exhaustive mentally but amazing all at the same time. Life is funny that way. Starting with our life changing trip to Haiti, to coming home so shaken up and so unsure of what to do next. Do we adopt, do we move to Haiti, do we foster, do we downsize? So many questions we were left with after such an experience. Living now, the way we were and knowing what we now knew, we could not continue on the way we had been, cause it now felt so unnecessary.
After lots of waiting, praying and talking as a family we decided the decision that was best for us during this season of our life was to downsize, not only our house but our life.
You know, it’s funny as I look back to the months after we retuned from Haiti and how lost we felt, but how the answers were in front of us starting to unravel and how the downsizing answer was there but not realizing it. 2 weeks after we returned I started with my closet purging 4 garbage bags of clothes to go to donations and 2 garbage bags of shoes also went to donations. Next was the tupperware cupboard and then the cook book cupboard. Not realizing i was already starting our new movement I just felt so inclined to purge my life, my ‘stuff’ and to live with less.
Next was the linen closet going to the Cambridge Humane Society. Shortly after that was my car. I went from driving my Toyota Venza to my Prius. Something was surely guiding us to live with less. And funny enough i was starting to ‘get it’ and I felt ok with it.
Having talked about moving for the past 2 years, we both were finally on the same page and we decided to put our house of 10 years up for sale in August and tell the girls our plans. Not sure how long it would take to sell and if we would find our next home we continued to work hard and pray. After putting in 4 different offers in on 4 different homes, working through busy season, staging our house, showing our house, hosting family from out of country and trying to enjoy the summer, we finally sold our home to a wonderful family and found our sweet little home in the city that we truly believe is meant for us. This was the answer.
Now the reality of going from a 3000 sq ft home to a 1500 sq foot by choice not need, I’ll be honest with you, wakes the mind monsters and makes we wonder, what the heck are we doing with twins about to be teenagers, have we made the right decision, will our kids resent us for what we are doling? Friends and family have even questioned our thinking and I know are worried. But there have been so many signs and positives along the way that makes this feel so right. Even the girls are excited. We both shake our heads at how excited they are to live smaller and closer to us. In a big house you can spend hours not seeing each other.
A quote that my sister in law pinned on the ever so awesome Pinterest today said “it always seems impossible until it’s done” Amen sister. Living and waiting to live a new way since August has been mentally challenging . Questioning all you know and have known during the wait time. I never imagined that moving would be so stressful. Wanting our family to know that we are ok and what we are doing will make sense. Like a long car ride, constantly asking each other are we there yet? It does all feel so impossible but whenever I look at the iphone photo of our new little home something deep stirs inside me, a calm, a peace, a new love that I cant wait to embrace. This is what I need to remember on these boxed up, depersonalized, big empty home days waiting to move, waiting to finally settle after living so unsettled for months. I have no idea what is next for us Kufske’s but I feel so ready to move and live simpler and smaller and take on what is next. Waking, to being guided by a movement higher than ourselves is so crazy freeing. Letting go of the norm, the ideals, and the control and just being. Yes please!
Are we there yet?
YES! 10 days baby!!!!
Bring it on!!